I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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