my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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