I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The beer is more important than you right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
