He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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