I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
