i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
