a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
