He told me they were just razor bumps!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
