Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So vagazzling was a success
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
