I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
