I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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