Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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