why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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