Yo dont text me then not text me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
