Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize