But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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