He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
