look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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