Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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