Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
