Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
