even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
