Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
