woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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