just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
