my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
