I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
