so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
