I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
