New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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