I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
