i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
