just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
