So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
