I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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