i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
