i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
