I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
