he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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