omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
