I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize