If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want a musical about memes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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