your thong is hanging out like whoa
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
