i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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