Christians are straight up FREAKS
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
