if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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