I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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