So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
