He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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