I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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