Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
