I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
