Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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