3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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