Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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