pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
