Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
