she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
