There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
