I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
