She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
one might say we're banned from that church
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
