I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
