everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
