420 ftw
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
