at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
