hotel room ftw
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
