if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize