I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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