What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
