its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A+ Viking dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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