I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize