I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
