I can tuck mytits in my pants
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
