I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
