the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize